A Trail of Broken Pieces

April Parker

At the age of 28, I find myself falling into the trap of letting the internet rush me. Rush me into thinking that I don’t have a lot of time, I’ll be alone forever, or I have to rush every situation I get into. Society is dangerous and will have you thinking it’s you…”I’M THE PROBLEM.” For 3 or 4 years now I’ve been involved in “situationships” that inevitably could have been easily comparable to trash. I’ve compromised on things that I myself would have deemed as deal breakers and all because of my intense desire to love and be loved.

My golden heart, always searching for the best in others and willing give it’s all in the name of this seemingly illusive, desperately dangerous, yet beautifully blissful four letter word. L-O-V-E. Only to be broken, leaving a trail of broken pieces that come to life and taunt me daily. Living with a broken heart teaches you many valuable lessons. You just have to be willing to learn from them. Three things I’ve learned from my broken heart: never stop loving, be mindful of your personal degree of vulnerability, and be free on your path to recovery.

After our hearts have been broken, it’s easy for us as humans to say “F love.  I don’t want to feel it anymore”. Leaving us emotionless and cold to what is important to us. That once full and golden heart increasingly turns to stone as it is hollowed out leaving behind an empty void. And if we aren’t careful, we find ourselves in a, “Love don’t live here no more,” state of being. But continuing to love is what creates the outlet to heal and move forward. So continue to be gracious, learn to forgive the person that broke your heart, and do your very best to find joy in everything. Life teaches us lessons in all of our experiences. But again, we have to be willing to learn from them.

Vulnerability can be beautiful, but only with the right person. I’ve always made the mistake of giving all of me and not saving myself the parts that were meant for only me. Certain parts of my inner most being, only I can entrust myself with the responsibility to hold close and treasure. In order to build and grow with someone, you have to be in a place where you are between 90-100% emotionally and mentally stable to deal with someone other than you in your space. If not, you might as well get ready to lose yourself and have nothing to offer. Save the pieces that build you up daily, that give you the push you need to carry on throughout the day. Doing that will help you withstand what is being thrown at you and you won’t find yourself mindlessly accepting mess or allowing someone the opportunity to waste your time. Those small pieces matter. Hold on tight, but at the same time portion out just enough of those hand selected pieces that WON’T leave you broken.

Lastly, Be Free! Don’t worry about who’s around and what they have to say about your heart break. This is your journey, your pain, and your heart. Feel whatever you want to feel. Depression is serious and very real. So cry if you need to, scream if you have to, or call your resident Dr. Phil. Do whatever it takes for you to receive and claim your healing. No one can tell you what to do or what you need but you.


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